Thursday, May 26, 2011


Went to plant a rhododendron today in my moms back yard. My Aunt Margaret (Moms sister) had given it to her for her birthday.

Mom came out and sat at her patio table to talk to me while I dug. She was able to tell me about some plantings that were already in the yard when they moved in. There was one plant that my dad and I thought might be a weed but before I dug it out I told Dad "I'll check with Mom, she'll know whether it's a weed or not".

When it comes to cooking, baking, and gardening....well, I can still get Mom's advise on any of that. I think all of those things, things that she truly loved to do, are permanently engraned in her memory. I don't believe she will ever lose her "how-to" ability when it comes to those. Oh...and How to be a Good Mom, she'll always have the best advise.

Glad to know that some things in her memory are still intact. When I finished digging we sat for almost an hour and had a great visit on her patio. The sun was shining off and on, there was a wonderful breeze blowing, and the birds were chirping. It's was delightful and I will cherish this day, I only wish Mom could as well.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Scary Evening

Saturday May 14, 2011

Mom has not been feeling well the past few days. Dad tells me that she has very little energy and feels like she can't get enough air. I talked to Dad earlier in the evening and he said he had decided to call EMS to take mom to the hospital again; I offered to go sit with him in the ER but he insisted I stay home until I heard from him.

Later this evening around 7:30 I received a phone call from Camille. The words out of her mouth I almost couldn't believe...."Mom just coded!" I dropped what I was doing, told David I had to go, that Mom had coded, flat lined. I began to cry, the kids and David hugged me and out the door I went. Called Dad on the way to the hospital, he said the nurses had gotten her stable. The EMT pumped her chest twice and she woke right up.

After all these years of living with the threat of losing my mother I always felt like I was prepared. Getting that phone call from my sister made me aware that I am not ready to lose my mother.

Will write more later. Going to bed now.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Mom's 74th birthday, April 30, 2011

Mom's 74th birthday was on Saturday April 30, 2011. Every year that mom gets older we always celebrate. Doctors over 30 years ago told us she would not live to be 42 but she has defied all the odds. My mother has a very strong will to live. Why wouldn't she? Mom has a lot of great things to live for. Except for the fact now that she has dementia. She is forgetting everything.....slowly, painfully becoming just a shell of Mom.

On Saturday, Mom's 74th birthday, she went into the hospital, heart related this time. Not a very good birthday gift. I went to visit yesterday, she seemed just okay. Seemed as if her breathing was laboring, sounded as if she was having trouble getting air. Her heart doesn't seem to be pumping oxygenated blood the way it should be but it is working very hard to do so; working too hard. Dad fears that after all these years that her heart is beginning to give out.

I try to remember all of the good, extra years we've had with mom, before the declining memory. Being caught up in the middle of this dementia diagnosis though, it is hard to think back to the good, extra years.

The dementia is making my mother "not mom". I am doing my best to hold onto those small windows where "mom" comes back but those windows are
becoming fewer and fewer.