Thursday, September 10, 2009

Can't do this anymore!

I cannot stand to watch my mother suffer at the nursing home any longer. In my mind I know it is probably the safest place for her to be but my heart cannot bear to watch her suffer any longer. She is constantly sobbing wanting to go home. She feels as if we have imprisoned her. Please Dad, let her go home.
Hang in there Mom! We are doing our best to get you there!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

So frustrating!!!

I miss my mother, terribly!!!
Why did this monster have to come and take her over???

Mom, I miss you so much. Why is this happening to you? There is so little of you left. I'm afraid to answer the phone anymore because most of the time it is the monster at the other end instead of you. If you knew how this monster talked to me you would be shocked and upset. If you knew the accusations this monster was making you would tell me to hang in there and keep doing what I know is right. But the monster looks like you and it is killing me inside. I'm desperate to find you Mom! I wish you could come back to me, to our family. I am so sad that I will never get to see you again. This just isn't fair.

I love you Mom.

Friday, September 4, 2009

49th Wedding Anniversary - a day I'd like to forget

Yesterday was Thursday, Sept. 3, 2009 - my parents 49th wedding anniversary. How wonderful that two people have been so devoted, so dedicated to one another for more than half of their lives. Two people could not love each other more.

However, this day is one I would like to forget... it was the day that I moved my mother into the memory care unit of a nursing home. This day ended up being a terrible day for mom, for me, for my dad. Mom feels that we tricked her. She says that we told her we were just going for a visit. She has no recollection of having toured the memory care unit, no recollection of ever agreeing to move. She feels trapped, betrayed, angry, hurt, and embarrassed. She cannot believe that we have "done this to her".

Reality tells me... my head tells me that we have done the right thing for her. She will be able to have her meds given to her correctly, she will have daily activities, she will have social interaction. My heart is breaking though, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that my mom is so sick that she has ended up in a nursing home. Dad, for years has said the he would take care of mom at home until the day she died. Now he is not able to meet all of her needs. Part of him is still trying to believe that maybe she isn't as sick as he thought. I am having to keep convincing my dad that he has done the best, most loving thing he could do for mom (which is so difficult when I am struggling with it myself).

Mom called me sobbing last night telling me that dad hates her, that he is so angry with her (when it was really the other way around). She was begging me to come pick her up. I am sick over all of this. I have been assured by the nursing home staff that all of this is typical with new patients. The nursing home has a highly trained staff to take care of dementia patients.

I can only hope she will she will become calm and begin to enjoy her new life. Until I know that she is happy my heart will be breaking.