Friday, September 4, 2009

49th Wedding Anniversary - a day I'd like to forget

Yesterday was Thursday, Sept. 3, 2009 - my parents 49th wedding anniversary. How wonderful that two people have been so devoted, so dedicated to one another for more than half of their lives. Two people could not love each other more.

However, this day is one I would like to forget... it was the day that I moved my mother into the memory care unit of a nursing home. This day ended up being a terrible day for mom, for me, for my dad. Mom feels that we tricked her. She says that we told her we were just going for a visit. She has no recollection of having toured the memory care unit, no recollection of ever agreeing to move. She feels trapped, betrayed, angry, hurt, and embarrassed. She cannot believe that we have "done this to her".

Reality tells me... my head tells me that we have done the right thing for her. She will be able to have her meds given to her correctly, she will have daily activities, she will have social interaction. My heart is breaking though, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that my mom is so sick that she has ended up in a nursing home. Dad, for years has said the he would take care of mom at home until the day she died. Now he is not able to meet all of her needs. Part of him is still trying to believe that maybe she isn't as sick as he thought. I am having to keep convincing my dad that he has done the best, most loving thing he could do for mom (which is so difficult when I am struggling with it myself).

Mom called me sobbing last night telling me that dad hates her, that he is so angry with her (when it was really the other way around). She was begging me to come pick her up. I am sick over all of this. I have been assured by the nursing home staff that all of this is typical with new patients. The nursing home has a highly trained staff to take care of dementia patients.

I can only hope she will she will become calm and begin to enjoy her new life. Until I know that she is happy my heart will be breaking.

1 comment:

Carol Mattingly said...

I am sorry Ann that you have to go through this with your Mom. What is even more sad is that everything you are writing, I have experienced and been through personally when my Mom became ill. She too thought we had tricked her. She was miserable the first few months living in the nursing home. We were all miserable too. I will pray for you. Love, Carol