Thursday, January 19, 2012

Feeling Helpless

Today I feel like I have nothing left. How can my sister and I help someone who doesn't seem to want help. I guess Dad wants help but doesn't seem to want to change. I think he is ready to move Mom to the nursing home, yesterday he seemed excited. Today...I think he still wants to do it but he is still making careless, extremely poor, potentially dangerous decisions regarding Mom while she is still living at home with him. Even Mom knows she isn't supposed to be home alone, she is the one who called me to inform me that she was alone. Of course I rushed right over there this morning....no shower, barely dressed, even forgot my winter coat and gloves. Why did he say he "had no choice" when there are so many? Why does he act like he has no clue what to do?

Now my day is shot; I have so much to do but I feel I have nothing left. I feel like all of the air has been let out of my sail because I don't feel like we're getting anywhere....FAST. I really feel like giving up completely. Here I sit at my computer, writing, because if I don't then the anger and resentment I feel will brew inside of me and destroy me. My heart palpitations will come back. I will sit and cry. But instead I write this with a lump in my throat, trying to make sense out of my life right now.

2 comments:

Amy said...

Sorry you are going through this. At this time, you are becoming the parent for your parents. Your father is probably struggling with what he will do when he doesn't have to take care of mom. As always praying for you and your family.

AnneB said...

Thank you Amy.