Friday, October 12, 2007
10/12/07: FORGETTING, BETRAYAL, & LOVE
Sometimes Mom thinks Dad is HER father.
Mom asked me one time if her mother was still alive. Her mother passed away 30+ years ago.
I feel guilty writing or typing these things, as if I am betraying her and her dignity. I just want to keep a log of everything that is going on. Am I crazy? Am I betraying my mother?
There are some days that I can't get the motivation to call Mom on the phone. I never know how she will be. Will she be too tired, will she be confused, will she feel bad, will she be in pain? Some days it's too stressful for me to make the call. Then comes the guilt... again. Feeling selfish.
She is so afraid. She is so afraid of forgetting... everything, everyone, herself. Afraid of the indignity that comes in the late stages of the disease.
I love you Mom, so much.
(Photo: My wedding day at Duncan Memorial Chapel in Crestwood KY, 2000 - Mom & Dad)