Friday, August 3, 2012

Turning off the Power Supply

Mom is not doing well (mentally) at all. Hospice put her into the hospital yesterday (Thursday August 2) for 5 days or longer for a mental evaluation and try some new things with medications. She is having a terrible time wanting to 'go home', she wants to see her mom and dad, she doesn't know who Dad is, she keeps saying she misses Hal (which is dad).

Earlier in the week Dad said Mom was really mad at my sister and me. The reason: Camille and I were there all day and we refused to help her clean up. Mom's day was spent cursing Camille and me and giving us the finger (even though we weren't there). She said she was through with us and would never give us another thing. That was Mom's reality that day. The truth: neither my sister or I had visited Mom that day.
Sad :*( for my Dad.
Mom had been hallucinating all day, thinking lots of other people had been in their house. Dad also said that he had never heard Mom use the profanity that she used that day. He hated to see her like that.

I visited with Mom on Wednesday. Dad had called me for "HELP" because he couldn't convince her that he was Hal, her husband. I wasn't sure what I would find when I got to their house but when I arrived Mom was dressed in very nice white slacks and a white knit top. She had on pretty dangly earrings and was sitting with her purse in her lap like she was waiting for someone to take her somewhere. But she had a frown on her face. I asked her where she wanted to go and she said she wanted to go home. She said she was mad at Dado (her father) for not coming to pick her up to take her home. To appease Mom I told her that Dado was out of town for a couple of days and she could see him when he returned (I didn't want to tell her that he died in 1974). She then asked "Who's Dado?"
HUH? I couldn't believe my ears.

((The person my mom has turned into ISN'T my mom))

So far this is her worst in this dementia journey.

Mom is now in the hosptial and although she agreed to go, she doesn't remember that she agreed to go. She is very angry.

Dad called me last night to tell me that Hospice wants the serial number from Mom's pacemaker/defibrilator, he said that they want to turn it off permanently. He was told that if Mom suffered a cardiac arrest that the machine would tear her up (his words).
Mom's heart is so weak that I can believe that.

Sooooo, I guess that no drastic measures will be taken should Mom have a heart attack. I'm so conflicted with different emotions and thoughts. I don't want my mom to "go" but the way she is living now is just existing....it's not living.

I don't know what our future holds, Mom could live a very long time; or not. Everything is uncertain at this point.

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