Last night was the night I go to my Alzheimers Support Group meeting. The meetings are the 2nd Wednesday of each month. My father and my aunt both normally attend also. We have been going to these meetings since 2007 and we have all learned a lot! In these meetings we discuss things like: how to talk to your loved one, how to come up with "theraputic lies" to maintain their dignity, what steps to take to prepare for their care, etc. These groups are like sacred ground...a place where you can feel safe to talk about your fears, your frustrations, cry, EVERYTHING!
Last night, for some reason my father decided he would bring Mom (THE DEMENTIA PATIENT) to the meeting! I was shocked, I broke out in a panic induced sweat. I suggested to both Mom and Dad that I would drive Mom home and stay with her while dad stayed at the meeting. Mom was insistant on staying and the whole situation was very awkward. and embarrassing. Dad finally agreed that he would leave and take Mom home, Mom was furious that she could not stay and cursed as she left. On top of all of that she blamed me for not being able to stay saying "Anne doesn't want me here". I was completely mortified. I felt the need to appologize to those who were in attendance but did not elaborate any further than that.
All day today now I am constantly trying to figure this out and the two theories that I have come up with are that (1) because Dad lives with Mom that he has accepted her demented reality as his reality, therefore not realizing just how demented she is or (2) that Dad, himself, is now demented.
Today I asked Dad if he understood how what he did last night was inappropriate. He said he could not understand why it was such a problem. I discussed with him the reason why it was inappropriate and he then said that he was not aware of those reasons and then he apologized for making a mistake. He still did not understand why it put me in a bad spot or why I was embarrassed.
OMG!!! Now what?
Last night, for some reason my father decided he would bring Mom (THE DEMENTIA PATIENT) to the meeting! I was shocked, I broke out in a panic induced sweat. I suggested to both Mom and Dad that I would drive Mom home and stay with her while dad stayed at the meeting. Mom was insistant on staying and the whole situation was very awkward. and embarrassing. Dad finally agreed that he would leave and take Mom home, Mom was furious that she could not stay and cursed as she left. On top of all of that she blamed me for not being able to stay saying "Anne doesn't want me here". I was completely mortified. I felt the need to appologize to those who were in attendance but did not elaborate any further than that.
All day today now I am constantly trying to figure this out and the two theories that I have come up with are that (1) because Dad lives with Mom that he has accepted her demented reality as his reality, therefore not realizing just how demented she is or (2) that Dad, himself, is now demented.
Today I asked Dad if he understood how what he did last night was inappropriate. He said he could not understand why it was such a problem. I discussed with him the reason why it was inappropriate and he then said that he was not aware of those reasons and then he apologized for making a mistake. He still did not understand why it put me in a bad spot or why I was embarrassed.
OMG!!! Now what?
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