Thursday, January 26, 2012

Meeting with the Elder Care Attorney!

Had a productive day yesterday as my sister and I met with an elder care attorney. Dad was supposed to go with us but had to cancel at the last minute because Mom was in a terrible mood and upset that he was going to be leaving for a few hours without her. My sister and I learned a lot about how Wills for the elderly are to be written in order for Medicaid to 'kick in', among other things. The attorney gave us a list of things that we will need to do before our next meeting with him. I am hoping that Dad will be able to help us to cross each item off of this list.

After the meeting with the attorney my sister and I met up with Dad to go over with him what we learned. Mom's caregiver had taken her to lunch so Dad was able to slip away. Dad seemed pleased to hear all that we learned and regretted that he had not gone.

In addition to the good that came out of this meeting there was a real bummer tid-bit of information that Dad informed Camille and me of. Mom's dementia paranoia has really kicked into high gear. She feels that the three of us are conspiring against her to put her into the nursing home. Well, that is partially true....the nursing home part but we are defintiely doing it for the benefit of her health and well-being, as well as Dad's. Dad told my sister and me that all of this has made Mom's feelings start to change toward us. I took 'that' as him saying that Mom doesn't like us much any more. I told Dad that if Mom ended up hating me when all of this was said and done then that was okay because I know that what we had done will keep Mom safe and well taken care of. I also knew that 'that' was her dementia talking, not Mom. If Mom was in her 'right, undemented mind' she would not feel that way and would be proud of us for stepping up to do what is right. Needless to say though, I was weepy about 'that' comment the rest of the afternoon.

Part of me feels like Dad and my sister are not completely on board for the nursing home either. My feeling is that Dad cannot continue living with Mom with the way things are going, fearing that he will die before Mom (see my note regarding their living situation from my post on Wednesday, January 18, 2012.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I am really struggling to not let it effect my own family life. It's not easy. My kids saw me crying yesterday and kept asking me why I was crying. Trying to protect them I just told them I was sad that my Mom was so sick. I didn't think they needed to hear that my own mother may hate me.

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