Wednesday, January 4, 2012

An Important Lesson and a Must-Read by You

If I have learned anything from this whole experience (and I have learned a LOT) it is that you MUST have a plan for long term health care. Please, if you are reading this and you love your family and friends.....BY ALL MEANS HAVE A PLAN FOR LONG TERM HEALTH CARE!!! At this point I am harboring so much resentment for this very issue. And it was something that could have been avoided very easily. Upon the diagnosis back in 2006 a plan should have been put into place and money should have begun being saved. But instead there was a "head in the sand" approach, senseless and extreme spending (an example was a matching pair of Vespa motor scooters) and now....well, there is a serious predicament. My fathers physical and emotional health has taken an serious decline and because of this there is now an "I can't or don't want to deal with it" attitude from him. Now everything is left up to my sister and me; and probably including making funeral arrangements because that hasn't been planned ahead for either. No, no one has died.

How on earth will I ever be able to get over this resentment and my guilt for feeling this way? I do love my parents, deeply. I guess that is why I feel the way I do. Please feel free to offer any advise by leaving a comment. My sister and I (and my mothers sister's) sure could use the support.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

I'm sorry you and Camille are in such a spot. My one piece of advice is don't beat yourself up over the choices you have to make. You love your parents, so whatever you decide will be a good decision. Do the best you can.

Ellen Schildt said...

Anne,
You and your sister really do need to make the funeral and burial arrangements for both of your parents. If you think your dad can handle it, take him with you. If not, then by all means don't, and don't worry about that. Remember that you all will be looking at caskets, etc. and while it's an emotional drain for you and your sister it is way harder for the person who is going to "use" the services to grasp what is going on!!I hope you already have POA for both! The reason you need to go on and do it is because it will be so much easier when the time comes!! Let me repeat that...it will be soooo much easier!! I have had to deal with it both ways and I can tell you that, no matter how ready you are, having to arrange everything in addition to dealing with the loss is absolutely exhausting! I don't know if you all deal with a specific funeral home, but Larry Robbins at Pearson's is wonderful to work with. I don't know anyone at the Heady's up by ECH, but I have been to a couple of visitations and it is lovely.

I know this was a long comment, but I just want you and your sister to remember to take care of yourselves during this time and getting these arrangements made WILL be a huge relief...once it's done!!

Hugs and Kisses,
Ellen