Tuesday, September 6, 2011

From Mom's Journal - July 14, 1979 (age 42)

"I'm so scared I hardly know what to do. I get angry, depressed, want to cry, want to be dead and away from all this, lonesome. I wish Hal was here to hold me. It is so hard to be a grown up sometimes. I have to get through this situation and get well but oh is it hard to do. I want to get well so that I can be with Hal & go places and do fun things with him. We have worked so hard & been thru so many bad days. I hope & pray we can have some fun days together.
I want to see my girls reach womanhood and see them achieve some of the good that will surely come to them.
I am so very lonely tonight and it is hard to go to sleep.

Lucy came into my room last night about 2:00 AM & sat down. We had such a nice talk.
We talked about my feelings about this operation - whether I would live or die. About Hal & our relationship.

I am sitting here in the semi-darkness of my room in CCU at Bapt East and it is 5:00 AM - in 4-1/2 hrs I will be moved to Jewish Hosp. to start getting ready for my 2nd heart operation. This is all so weird. I want to do this and get well so badly.
Please make it be successful."

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