Sunday, February 21, 2010

He's Your Husband Hal, Not Your Father

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Mom is still in and out of reality. However, now days she seems to spend most of her time out of todays in her past. She is floating in a crazy time warp combining todays reality with yesterdays. She is convinced that she and dad live in her parents house. She doesn't understand how they got there, in that house.

The house my parents live in is/was moms dream house. Before my parents bought that house mom used to drive by it wishing she could go inside one day to look around. When it came up for sale in the late 1970's, (mom was a realtor) she immediately went in to look at it and put an offer on it. She was elated that they were able to purchase her dream home. I was 11 years old when we moved in and my parents still live there to this day. (This house never was her parents house)

I've been told by moms caregiver that she will ask about my sister (Camille) and me making sure that we are at school. "Camille is at Central High and Anne is at Atherton, right?" as if asking for confirmation that she is correct. Yes, she is correct that Camille is at Central and I at Atherton, but that was 30 years ago. Moms caregiver agrees with her and changes the subject.

More often than not Mom thinks Dad is her father. She will look right at him and ask "do you know where Hal is?" or "do you know when Hal will be home?". She has nights where she won't let Dad sleep in the same bed because "it's not right to sleep with my father".

I can see the sadness in my fathers eyes when mom doesn't know who he is. He knows that he has lost his wife, almost forever. This disease is so cruel.

Mom still knows Camille and me, our husbands, her grandchildren. Why is it that she can look at dad and not see Hal, her husband?

I love you mom. I know you are in there, somewhere. But it is getting harder and harder to find you.

1 comment:

Bill F said...


My parents had told me your mom had dementia, but it didn't really register until I saw your Facebook post today, and I went back and read your complete blog. I remember your mom's first two heart surgeries, and I also remember what a fun and quick witted person she was. One specific memory I have is of her telling me that she knew Hunter S. Thompson at Atherton (I had just read one of his books.) She said he used to smart off about a lot of things, and as a result, he was beaten up by football players on a regular basis. I'm sorry for everything your family is going through, especially your dad, who has been one of my heroes for over forty years.

-Bill Flarsheim